autumn in new york

it's about the time for me to write again. september is still here. and so is america.

september. a month less-celebrated, but also, to borrow tom jones' words, a time of the year when life is slow and mellow. when grass is green, and grain is yellow.

the month when love is an ember about to billow. even in the deep frost of december, when you know the snow will follow, it's nice to remember the fire of september.

for me, september means something more. a rainbow caught me then. in the middle of new york jungle. with em. and everything is by the way.

meulaboh

tomorrow, dear friends, i will go to meulaboh. a seaside town located in aceh province. in december 2004, meulaboh was devastated by the visit of mr. tsunami. things were in ruin then. now, five years later, i go there for the first time in my life. my coming is to see the inauguration of a hospital donated by the people of singapore our neighbour. the itinerary is set. and the programme is made.

aceh, indian ocean, here i come... ya huala huala ehaaaa....!

swans of astimpas

du du du... du du du... see now there are swans in my office's cubical. simple origami paper creativity in various sizes. mostly white, sitting on top of our four pcs. manky made them. du du du... du du du... these swans of astimpas dont float on the english river. but that's absolutely okay.

m

there's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. the truth is i've always been a fool.

(ed bloom, big fish)

go no more a-rovin'

the round tables in this comfortable room are made of white marbles. here by the window i sit and cast my eyes to the street. thinking of leo, mark, victor, you, and the uncertainties ahead of us all. on days like these i yearn for miracles to reduce these enduring appetites. i sip five cups of tea a day.

i recognise these streets quite well, although the faces unfamiliar to me are many. hmm... never mind. i know new faces come everyday. only a portion of what we see is to stay in our mind's journal anyway.

leo told me from his tower of song that his friends are long gone and his hair is grey, he aches in the places where he used to play. and he bade me farewell, not knowing when he'll be back again, and so on....

and victor said there are doors in his life that he never want to open again. but he also admitted it's difficult to deny they are there; and perhaps only right to open the sometimes. for when making resolutions, we need to look back on past mistakes. to be sure they are not repeated, but also to make better the return encounter. i appreciate his kind words. reminding me "to give love to those you care for, and a smile to those you don't. to be all things to all men but just yourself to yourself. be humble and human, but proud of what you are." thank you for tonight, victor.

it's nearly a closing time. i know you're out there. if friends in time be severed, someday here we will meet again. when you have time for me, you will find me here, watching from the window. writing from this marble table in this street. i return to leave you never.

mama

thank you mom.

everyday day
i pray to be
strong
and practice
to prepare
myself for facing
that very moment.

with eyes closed,
i always pray.

mom, i love you.

act two

in the morning hours in kuala lumpur i sat staring at the white pages of my life. i know time can't be frozen. and neither can it be rolled back.

i thought that if one's life was like a play, then mine is about beginning its 'act two'.

the storyline narrates about you, your meaning to me, and my responds to you. the things you offered me generously struck me as beauty in many emanations. be it a being, an object, a situation or a landscape. these things have a powerful effect on me as they probably do on everyone else.

i found the things we do simply decorate life with detailed motifs. full of sounds and colours expressed to the world in a totally metaphorical language.

happy to see your pink and blue dresses shine like crazy diamonds. my sailor's hat and flannel shirts remain as my company.

---

p.s. i'd like to thank my friends for yesterday's impromptu surprise in cikini street. a simple birthday party in tan ek tjoan store meant a lot to me.