Saturday, January 31, 2009

that road

" is not helpful to gather answers when no questions have been asked first," he said. a line that made me pause, and reread it, and pause again, and continue reading...

i arrived at that passage when i was reading an article on the cold war.

yes it has been a week of a long road to international relations theory to me. and the route was not an easy one. it's got so many metaphors. often talking in images. if you had no map, you'd want to drive carefully and slowly along that windy road.

"you may have not got the right answers. or not yet. but at least you've asked the right question."

Thursday, January 22, 2009


i was nearly convinced that
the things mind or heart
left unsaid by day or night
will stay out of sight
long after your depart.

Monday, January 19, 2009


this coming week is the beginning of my hilary term. my second term here in oxford. another journey into eight weeks of courses, tutorials, essays, visiting lecturers and perhaps presentations. one third of the entire programme is done, and i feel quite okay with the journey i made so far.

i have a bike now. purple. not new, but i'm happy with it, and it's history. it's an inheritance from a friend. i dressed it with red and white lamps so that police will not catch me when i happen to roam around in the dark, which i often do. especially now in winter, when days are short and sky is often grey. the red lamps, oh you should see them when they're twinkling. attractive and lively. with this bike, i am hoping to be able to extend the limits of my exploration around these areas...

i notice too that lately the curls on my hair are more dominant. i will not cut them, not exactly now. because i still like the feel of them - a certain kind of freedom, like when i'm on the bike and the wind is heavy, tossing them. and my heart will sing... "bicycle, bicycle, bicycle... i want to ride my bicycle, i want to ride by bike...! i want to ride my bicycle, i want to ride it where i like..."

Monday, January 12, 2009


as i was trying to digest the diagrams and tables presented in my macroeconomic lesson, i couldn't help to wonder if only there's an equilibrium point in life - like in one of those curves - where ideas, faiths and meanings can be just weightless again. free from the pressure of the marketplace and economic gain, free from the burden of perpetual growth and inflationary chain, free from the value set by the exchange rate and interest margins.

i think the study is partly trying to tell us and convince us that 'the economy' is an extraordinarily big 'animal', and it is so big that it covers the entire world. and we have to feed it. and some feed it with bullets.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

blue will always do

last night i started to sketch with my blue pencils again. three human figures; all of them men. one carrying a bag; another smoking a cigarette; and the last one sipping a cup of hot tea.

they are my first drawing in a few months.

i prefer blue pencils to ordinary black ones for a story.

one morning nearly five years ago, i walked through this particular street in pasila, helsinki, on my way to work and i spotted a blue pencil on an empty street close to a kindergarten. after a gentle rain in the summer, it was as if the pencil was calling me. "heeey there, i'm cold down here, please would you take me with you?" it said. so i examined it first, and i thought the wetness of the rain made the pencil a bit soft on my touch.

after a while, the warmth from my pocket returned its stiffness. it was hard again and becoming my companion during the next weeks, months and even years. sketches of houses; images of pine forests; lakes; faces; starry nights; desert of sahara; illustration on my letters; and many more were thus made with the help of it.

until in may 2005, on my birthday, i received from my friends a sketch book and three new pencils. all blue, but with different shade of "blueness". oi-oi-oi, my heart was rejoiced, and surprised mainly for knowing that my friends actually noticed how fond i was of my blue pencil. and i thank them for the attention shown by the present. i still wish they are doing all right where-ever they are now. and they should know too, the rembrandt-polycolor they gave still serve me well in my time here.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

to those who wait

last week i went to a supermarket to buy snacks. and i found a pie which i've never tasted before, it was sold in a box with a note like on this picture:

i was moved by the fifth line of the text. haha! so i ventured to buy it. and i've got a delicious pukka pie, plus a lesson on "patience" as a bonus. :)